Today's Times included a column by Giles Coren in which he argued that what brings couples together is not shared likes, but shared dislikes. I'm not sure that shared likes are as disastrous as all that. After all, I have survived 26 years of marriage to a Who fan. But the article ends with a list of his own 'dislikes', which got me thinking about the things I don't like about Doctor Who.
1. The Sixth Doctor's coat. Uncontroversial, this one, I should think. Poor Colin's episodes would have been much better appreciated if viewers had not had to contend with being dazzled by an amazing technicolour dreamcoat that even Andrew Lloyd Webber would have balked at.
2. Over-bright lighting. This was a particular feature of the Eighties episodes. Whilst there is no need to go the full X-Files and have most of the action in pitch darkness, a bit of gloom would help to hide some of the deficiencies in monster costumes (and the Sixth Doctor's coat.)
3. The current credit sequence with the naff-looking clock. Bring back the time vortex, preferably with the rock version of the theme tune.
4. Excessively long story arcs. I don't want to have to wait until the year after next to find out what caused Amy's crack.
5. Lame jokes about Daleks and stairs. Daleks can levitate up stairs perfectly well, as has been established at least since Remembrance of the Daleks.
6. Gallifrey. The Tenth Doctor's description of it to Martha in Gridlock was wonderful, but the reality is a boring place peopled with unpleasant, small-minded hypocrites. And the food doesn't look to be up to much, either. Now that it has been found, could it please be lost again, pronto?
7. The press asking the current Doctor when he is going to leave, almost as soon as he has started.
8. Fantasy Doctor casting. As soon as it is known that the current incumbent, fed up by being constantly pestered by the press about when he is going to leave, finally gives in and announces the date, the name of just about every celebrity in the country gets linked to the role, even those who aren't actors.
9. Is it about time there was a female Doctor? No. Not even Olivia Colman, fine actress though she is. The speculation every time is just boring.
10. Nothing. I love Doctor Who.
6. Gallifrey. The Tenth Doctor's description of it to Martha in Gridlock was wonderful, but the reality is a boring place peopled with unpleasant, small-minded hypocrites. And the food doesn't look to be up to much, either. Now that it has been found, could it please be lost again, pronto?
7. The press asking the current Doctor when he is going to leave, almost as soon as he has started.
8. Fantasy Doctor casting. As soon as it is known that the current incumbent, fed up by being constantly pestered by the press about when he is going to leave, finally gives in and announces the date, the name of just about every celebrity in the country gets linked to the role, even those who aren't actors.
9. Is it about time there was a female Doctor? No. Not even Olivia Colman, fine actress though she is. The speculation every time is just boring.
10. Nothing. I love Doctor Who.
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