Time Lords on Gallifrey are a bit rubbish, really, aren't they

Last weekend my other half decided we should watch The Invasion of Time, the Fourth Doctor's second visit to Gallifrey.

Unlike Sarah Jane who was unceremoniously dumped in Croydon/Aberdeen because non-Gallifreyans weren't allowed, Leela is taken along for the ride. Perhaps the Doctor forgot about the strict immigration laws, after all he had other things on his mind. Those other things make for an intriguing set up.  For the first two episodes of this six-parter the Doctor is acting strangely, to say the least.  I can't remember seeing it on original broadcast but it must have made for a very unsettling fortnight, wondering why the Doctor was acting so out of character.

Eventually it transpires that the Doctor is being watched by the Vardans, who can monitor his thoughts, and he has to frustrate them whilst appearing to play along. The Vardans initially manifest themselves simply as shimmering sheets of tinfoil, so it is a disappointment when, finally secure in their objective, these all-powerful beings finally show their true selves to be humanoids in rather boring uniforms, who are surprisingly easy to defeat.

But just when everything seems to have been sorted out, a twist introduces the final two episodes: the Sontarans, and everything gets a bit weird, with a long chase through the interior of the TARDIS for no apparent reason, until the Doctor and K9 manage to save the day.

What were the Time Lords themselves doing whilst all this was going on? Not a lot. Chancellor Borusa spends the middle of the story shut up in the President's Office and the simpering Castellan throws in his lot with the invaders. Only Commander Andred seems to do anything positive to fight back, for which he is rewarded by getting shot in the arm and marrying Leela (those immigration rules must definitely have changed.)

We need to talk about UNIT

There has been quite a bit of fuss about the call centre scene in Resolution and the 'suspension' of UNIT.  This is being taken as either a political comment on Brexit or one on government spending cuts more generally.

To my mind the Brexit theory doesn't stand up.  UNIT is not, and never has been an EU organisation. Originally, it was an offshoot of the United Nations (the United Nations Intelligence Taskforce) with its headquarters in Geneva.  On occasion, the Brigadier would go direct to Geneva when the British government was proving difficult.  In more recent years, whilst the UN connection has gone (it is now the 'Unified' Intelligence Taskforce) we have seen even more of its international side, with Martha working for its US base in The Stolen Earth. The government cuts argument doesn't really work either.  The implication in Resolution seemed to be that UNIT was a British organisation, whose 'international partners' were re-evaluating their financial commitments, not that the British government had cut their financial contribution.  I think we could easily conclude that the organisation has simply tightened security and forgotten to let the Doctor know the new password.

Irrespective of the reasons, I am not sorry to see UNIT being dropped from the series for the time being.  It had become too big and powerful.  An organisation with the resources to fit out an aircraft carrier like the Valiant, or set up Osterhagen stations across the globe, or establish a 'Black Archive' with memory wipe technology and anti-TARDIS shielding has little need of the Doctor. It's a long way from the days when UNIT HQ seemed to be run by a Brigadier, a Captain, and a Sergeant, with some canon-fodder privates, and the nearest they got to sophisticated hardware was when the Brigadier asked Benton to 'lay on a chopper.'

New Year's? Resolution

January the first so time for a Resolution - the first New Year airing of Doctor Who since The End of Time Part II (which did not go well.) 

It started well with the legend of the ancient vanquished enemy, divided into three parts and buried at the ends of the earth (or Sheffield, whichever is further.) All was going well until those pesky archaeologists started digging in the sewers beneath the Sheffield Town Hall. Which brings me to my first quibble.  Those sewers looked amazing.  The council are really missing a trick if they aren’t offering guided tours.  But leaving that aside, the archaeologists made two fundamental errors - leaving an unknown thingy under a UV lamp, and wandering off alone, which provided a classic Doctor Who set up, though it did take them quite a long time to get around to it.

Sadly, things lost their way a bit in the middle of the episode.  We had the brilliant concept of a Dalek mutant hitching a ride like the Old Man of the Sea, but everything stopped for what seemed like ages whilst Ryan and his dad had a chat in a café, and his dad tried to sell a dodgy oven to the café owner.  There could have been a bit more subtlety with the oven. We definitely got the message that it was going to come in useful later. 

Meanwhile, back at the action, the mutant had found a workshop and cued the music, just like in an old-style episode of Top Gear, though the finished casing looked rather better than most of Messrs Clarkson, Hammond and May’s efforts at customisation. I really liked that scrapyard Dalek casing. A pity that it was not robust enough to withstand a combination oven.

But this story was not really about the Dalek, but about family, and Ryan’s relationship with his father.  There’s nothing like the possibility of being sucked into space with an angry Dalek mutant to provide a resolution to a family rift.

All in all, a good story which also looked good, but was let down by the pacing of the script.

Who Do's and Don'ts

Since its return in 2005, Doctor Who has provided viewers with an ever-growing list of commands. Quite are few are prohibitions - mostly things that we must not do in order to be safe from monsters, though a bit of personal prejudice might be creeping in at number 5.

1.       Don’t blink - from 2007’s Blink.  If you do, the Weeping Angels will get you.

2.       Don’t step in the shadows from 2008’s - Silence in the Library.  The Vashta Nerada are lurking in the shadows - any shadow.

3.       Don’t breathe - from the Twelfth Doctor’s debut story, Deep Breath.  If you breathe the Half-Faced man will get you.

4.       Don’t look - from the 2014 story Listen.  Perhaps the scariest command of all, don’t turn round to look at the monster you think is behind you.

5.       ‘You must not watch this’ advice concerning the 2015 episode Sleep No More that I wish I had heeded.

6.       Never eat pears - the Twelfth Doctor’s parting advice to Clara in 2015’s Hell Bent.

7.  [Late addition] Don't pop bubblewrap - as we learned when the Thirteenth Doctor visited Kerblam!

It’s not all don’ts though.  There are some things which are positively encouraged:

1.       Smile - your life may depend on it if there are any Emojibots around.

2.       Always take a banana to a party.   Not only are they a good source of potassium, you might invent the banana daiquiri a few centuries early, as the Tenth Doctor did in The Girl in the Fireplace.

Warning: If you are thinking about New Year Resolutions, this is not the list you need.  But don’t forget your banana on New Year’s Eve.

Talking of Frogs....

Watching It Takes You Away made us want to revisit a 'classic' episode which also featured a talking frog: Four to Doomsday.

This was the first Peter Davison story to be filmed, and it shows. It's an odd episode, which would have fitted pretty well into the Hartnell era. There are some similarities with The Ark, although in this case it is the Urbankans who have left their dying planet. Earth has been chosen as their new home.

The TARDIS crew have not really settled down.  Tegan just wants to go home, and is extremely annoying - though she does demonstrate excellent artistic skills.  Nyssa is being a scientific clever clogs, and is annoying.  Adric is just annoying.

Overall the story is pretty poor, but it does provide a use for the Fifth Doctor's cricketing outfit, or at least the cricket ball in his pocket, as long as you can suspend disbelief in the laws of physics.

Stone Me - a talking frog!

24 December 2018

I have been very negligent in blogging about the most recent episodes.  So here, in true i-Player tradition is a catch-up:

Kerblam!

A nice little satire on online shopping and huge corporations.  Sadly not enough Lee Mack, but a good twist at the end.  Make a mental note to add ‘popping bubblewrap’ to the things which Doctor Who forbids.

The Witchfinders

A celebrity historical that is completely stolen by Alan Cumming’s portrayal of James VI and I.  So over the top he is onto the next hill but one.  Also makes good use of the Doctor’s new gender - of course she would be regarded as the Witchfinder’s ‘assistant’ and then ducked as a witch.

It Takes You Away

Unquestionably the best episode of the series.  It starts with an apparently abandoned cottage in Norway, lulling the viewer into thinking it will not be that different in tone from the previous episode, but before long we are in the anti-zone with a Gollum-like creature, before ending up with a sentient universe appearing as a talking frog.  This is the sort of story that Doctor Who can pull off - sheer madness!

The Battle of Ranskoor av Kolos

After the previous episode, this seemed a bit underpowered.  Tim Shaw was not really a strong enough villain to merit a comeback in the season finale, and the eponymous battle was not realised on screen.

I can’t wait to see what is in store on New Year’s Day!

Quick Guide to Who Christmas Specials

It's the first year for 14 years that there has not been a Doctor Who Christmas special on 25 December.  To someone who lived through the long Who drought of the 1990s* it still seems slightly incredible that for the new generation Doctor Who is as much a Christmas TV tradition as the Morecambe and Wise Christmas Special and the James Bond film were in my childhood.

[*In the 1990s and early 2000s we had only Virgin books and Big Finish audios for new Who. But Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without listening to The Chimes of Midnight at least once.]

So here is my reflection on the specials of the past 14 years in order of brilliance:

1	The Christmas Invasion The debut of the best Doctor ever, in pyjamas, with killer Christmas trees, epic Star Wars style space duel, and ending in time for the Doctor to enjoy a family Christmas dinner.  Perfection!	2005
2	The Unquiet Dead Not strictly a Christmas special, but set at Christmas, with Charles Dickens and ghosts, so it counts.  And it’s brilliant.	2005
3	A Christmas Carol Doctor Who’s take on the classic Dickensian Christmas tale.  With giant space fish and a haunting carol.	2010
4	The Doctor the Widow and the Wardrobe This Narnia-like story gets a high place for sheer Christmas schmaltz.  Ideal for family viewing after overdosing on the mince pies.	2011
5	The Runaway Bride The introduction of the fabulous Donna Noble, with Sarah Parish eating the scenery as the Empress of the Racnoss, and the most wonderful chase scene.  Would have scored higher, but the Christmas flavour seems a bit tacked on (probably due to filming in July…)	2006
6	Voyage of the Damned A glossy disaster movie for Christmas, with lovely cameo from Bernard Cribbins.  But why employ Kylie Minogue and get someone else to sing the song?	2007
7	Last Christmas Disconcerting mix between Christmassy and very bleak, marked higher because of the Rudolph’s nose gag.	2014
8	Twice Upon a Time Two (well, three, just) Doctors for the price of one.  Scores highly for David Bradley’s First Doctor and Mark Gatiss’ displaced soldier, but the whole Testimony thing was rather annoying.	2017
9	The Return of Doctor Mysterio A superhero movie - good family entertainment, but not very Who-like.	2016
10	The Next Doctor Good Dickensian Christmas vibe, but scored down for Russell T Davies’ evil tease and the cybershades.  Also the plot was weak.	2008
11	The Husbands of River Song Some very funny moments, but Nardole was annoying and the monsters were too revolting for post-Christmas lunch viewing.	2015
12	The End of Time Lovely performance from Bernard Cribbins (and I want to be June Whitfield) but I am too sad about this being Ten’s swansong to mark any higher. Also, the farewell tour at the end was unnecessary.	2009
13	The Snowmen The Doctor sulking on a cloud, before joining forces with Mary Poppins-lite - really?	2012
14	The Time of the Doctor Sounds of the bottom of the barrel being scraped with a town called Christmas.  The festive bird being cooked in the TARDIS was not the only turkey in this episode.	2013