Ten Things I Hate about 'Who'

11 February 2017

Today's Times included a column by Giles Coren in which he argued that what brings couples together is not shared likes, but shared dislikes.  I'm not sure that shared likes are as disastrous as all that. After all, I have survived 26 years of marriage to a Who fan. But the article ends with a list of his own 'dislikes', which got me thinking about the things I don't like about Doctor Who.

1. The Sixth Doctor's coat.  Uncontroversial, this one, I should think. Poor Colin's episodes would have been much better appreciated if viewers had not had to contend with being dazzled by an amazing technicolour dreamcoat that even Andrew Lloyd Webber would have balked at.

2. Over-bright lighting. This was a particular feature of the Eighties episodes. Whilst there is no need to go the full X-Files and have most of the action in pitch darkness, a bit of gloom would help to hide some of the deficiencies in monster costumes (and the Sixth Doctor's coat.)

3. The current credit sequence with the naff-looking clock.  Bring back the time vortex, preferably with the rock version of the theme tune.

4. Excessively long story arcs.  I don't want to have to wait until the year after next to find out what caused Amy's crack.

5. Lame jokes about Daleks and stairs. Daleks can levitate up stairs perfectly well, as has been established at least since Remembrance of the Daleks.

6. Gallifrey.  The Tenth Doctor's description of it to Martha in Gridlock was wonderful, but the reality is a boring place peopled with unpleasant, small-minded hypocrites. And the food doesn't look to be up to much, either. Now that it has been found, could it please be lost again, pronto?

7. The press asking the current Doctor when he is going to leave, almost as soon as he has started.

8. Fantasy Doctor casting.  As soon as it is known that the current incumbent, fed up by being constantly pestered by the press about when he is going to leave, finally gives in and announces the date, the name of just about every celebrity in the country gets linked to the role, even those who aren't actors.

9. Is it about time there was a female Doctor? No. Not even Olivia Colman, fine actress though she is. The speculation every time is just boring.

10. Nothing.  I love Doctor Who. 

My TARDIS has a screw loose...

Saturday 29 October 2016

We have a storage problem: not enough room for our DVDs.   Husband has a brilliant idea: if he throws out all his remaining old Doctor Who VHS tapes we can no longer watch (he has slowly been replacing them with DVDs), then the Doctor Who DVDs can go in the TARDIS video cabinet, making space in our other storage units.

Problem 1: Find the autograph.  I distinctly remember Colin Baker signing a VHS cassette at the Who shop that briefly appeared in Little Chalfont, whilst avoiding falling Silurian masks.  Obviously we don't want to throw that one out. But none of the VHS tapes in the TARDIS are of Sixth Doctor stories. The later VHS tapes are downstairs, but the only Sixth Doctor story we have left is Trial of a Time Lord, and that hasn't been signed.  Have we already ditched the autograph by mistake? 

Problem solved: Husband finds the autographed cassette.  It turns out to be the 1994 Bill Baggs Video The Zero Imperative, starring Colin Baker, Sylvester McCoy, John Pertwee, Caroline John, Louise Jameson, Sophie Aldred and Linda Lusardi. (Spot the odd one out...) There is also an appearance by the writer, a young man called Mark Gatiss.  I wonder what happened to him?

Problem 2: DVDs are slightly deeper than VHS tapes.  The doors of the TARDIS no longer close properly, and one of them comes off completely.  Husband has another (not so) brilliant idea: we take the other door off to match.

I have a better idea: we put the Virgin New Adventures and Missing Adventures in the TARDIS, and the DVDs on the bookshelf.

The books fit, and I wield my (totally un-sonic) screwdriver to fix the doors.

Just one problem left.  Where shall we keep The Zero Imperative?

Programmes are HOW much?

Saturday 23 May 2015
 


The Audience take their seats

To Wembley Arena for the first  show of the Doctor Who Symphonic Spectacular UK Tour. Of course, when my husband booked the tickets, we had no idea that our local football team would be in the League Two playoff final the same afternoon. This made for an interesting journey in a train full of Wanderers fans in blue.  On arrival at Wembley, we went in search of a cup of tea, and soon cane across someone wearing a fez - we had found 'our people' at last.
 
Once we arrived at the Arena, we  located our seats, and then husband went off in search of a programme - a large, glossy 32-page brochure, but hardly worth the £15 he told me he was charged for it. 
 
At the appointed hour, we heard the metallic tones of Nick 'Voice of the Daleks' Briggs ordering us to turn of mobile communications devices and not to use flash. "Get lost Nick, you bald git', I muttered under my breath  [I can't help it - Pavlovian response from 22 years ago] and the BBC National Orchestra of Wales, aka 'the Doctor Who House Band' were off, with A Good Man?
 

The show was introduced by Peter Davison, who made a number of jokes about the unexploded World War II bomb which had been found the day before, leading to the evacuation of the building, and wreaking havoc with the set up. He also joked about Colin Baker being on stand-by to take over from him in the event of an emergency, and the Doctors being 'like a family - some more so than others.'
 
With ten years of Murray Gold's music to choose from, the programme naturally had to be selective, and the emphasis was on more recent music, predominantly from the Twelfth Doctor's first season (series 8). However, there were also some favourites from previous series, including Song of Freedom and the themes from the first four companions of the new era: Rose, Martha, Donna and Amy. And then the Daleks took over, forcing conductor Ben Foster to play their quasi-Wagnerian operatic chorus. The first half of the show concluded with the music from the 2014 Christmas Special.
 

After the interval, Cybermen roamed the stalls for All the Strange, Strange Creatures. I was slightly disappointed that there weren't more monsters in the auditorium, as there had been at the Prom - though there were some Ood, the Teller and The Foretold on the stage at various points. The second half continued the companions theme with The Impossible Girl and then 66 Seconds from Mummy on the Orient Express. These were followed by The Pandorica Suite, which was a nice chance to see some of Rory on the big screen,  and then Abigail's Song, sung by soloist Ellin Manahan Thomas before we got to the fiftieth anniversary This is Gallifrey, another favourite of mine.  Death in Heaven Suite brought us back up to date before the show rounded off with the best and most famous theme tune in the world.

All in all a very enjoyable afternoon.  But £15 for a programme?

 
 

Happy Birthday, Doctor!

Today is the 51st anniversary of Doctor Who.

A year ago, I was at the ExCel Centre for the Fiftieth celebrations.

Not surprisingly, for an event with several thousand attendees, a certain amount of queuing was involved. Initially, we joined the other ‘Weeping Angels’ in a holding area. After a while we were allowed to proceed to the registration hall. En route we passed a number of cafés, but decided not to stop for breakfast until after we had registered. This proved to be something of a mistake, as although registration was swift – our tickets were scanned and we were handed our badges and lanyards, we were then held in a huge queue in the hall for half an hour.

 Once we got moving again we grabbed a drink and a pastry and made our way to the ‘Classic Lounge’ for a panel with Frazer Hines and Debbie Watling. The Classic Lounge area was at some distance from the main hall and exhibition area and felt like an old-style convention. Frazer and Debbie were good value, as ever. The recent recovery of tapes of Enemy of the World and The Web of Fear provided a talking point. Debbie Watling revealed her nervousness about the helicopter scene in Enemy of the World. She got Frazer to promise he would let her sit in the middle, but on the take he outran her, leaving her with the precarious outside seat. It was so cold on the location for the supposed Australian beach that Frazer’s knees turned blue. His then girlfriend, Susan George, who was visiting, had to massage them back to life (or at least that was his excuse).

Our next event was a Panel in the main auditorium. After queuing for a while, we finally took our seats for what proved to be a Panel with the surviving Doctors from the ‘classic’ series: Messrs Baker, Tom; Davison; Baker, Colin; McCoy and McGann. This Panel was hosted by Nicholas (‘Get lost Nick, you Bald Git’ – you see, I can’t stop myself) Briggs. There was also a sign language interpreter on stage, and the Doctors, having discovered the previous day that the sign for ‘Nicola Bryant’s cleavage’ (Peter Davison’s last sight before regeneration) was rather entertaining, took mischievous delight in mentioning it as often as possible. Unfortunately, this Panel, which had started late, ended at the scheduled time, leaving us feeling slightly short changed.

We remained in our seats for another Panel, this time with the current team: producer Marcus Wilson, Steven Moffat, Jenna Coleman and Matt Smith. Steven Moffat once again exhibited his talent for giving nothing whatsoever away, though he did joke about Matt leaving ‘to pursue a career in musical theatre.’ (Matt appeared in ‘American Psycho’ the musical.)

After a quick lunch (the organisers had made sure there were plenty of catering outlets, with one hall devoted to food stalls supplementing the ExCeL’s in-house facilities), we ventured into the main exhibition area. (We had avoided the area earlier, as Graham Norton was doing a live broadcast of his Saturday morning Radio Two Show. That man’s ability to gatecrash Doctor Who is remarkable.) Once inside the exhibition hall we found a costume and prop exhibition, which included both classic and new series, as well as The Sarah Jane Adventures and An Adventure in Time and Space. There was also an opportunity to play with a ring modulator in order to talk like a Dalek. My companion took the opportunity to recite a risqué limerick. There were also demonstrations of make-up and workshops on how to walk like a monster, as well as some smaller panels. I caught the end of one panel with Janet Fielding and Sarah Sutton. The merchandising area offered anything you could possibly want, from books, audios and DVDs, to expensive limited edition sonic screwdriver sets and replica Doctor coats. 

Our next event was another Classic Lounge panel, this time with William Russell and Carole Ann Ford. This was interesting, but slightly marred by a problem with William Russell’s microphone. After that, there was a special effects demonstration with Danny Hargreaves in the main auditorium. However, as we had already seen a similar demonstration in Cardiff, I was persuaded instead to go to a screening of the final episode of The Three Doctors, with live commentary by Terrance Dicks. This was very entertaining, although the reminiscences in the commentary bore little relation to what was actually on the screen. After a final look round the exhibition, we left the event. It had been fascinating, though not quite as enjoyable as the previous year’s Cardiff event, which had had the added attraction of taking place in a Doctor Who location – the Millennium Centre - and had also provided the once in a lifetime opportunity to visit the TARDIS set at the Upper Boat studio and play with the console.

In the evening we returned to the ExCeL Centre for a live screening of Day of the Doctor. This naturally enough involved another long queue. In front of us in the queue was someone dressed as a Time Lord, and I was a bit worried that we would end up sitting behind him, but in the event we had a good view. The screening was introduced by a short panel, which included Dalek operators Barnaby Edwards and Nicholas Pegg. Most of the other ‘celebrity’ guests had decamped to the BFI -we had earlier passed Colin Baker on an escalator as he was leaving the event to go to the screening there. Nevertheless, The Day of the Doctor was the highlight of the day – a truly wonderful episode.

Queuing for the 'Day of the Doctor' screening

See you at the Sixtieth Anniversary!